That's not a facetious title. I am completely serious and, no, I have not lost my entire mind.
Why in the world would I be THANKFUL for having this disease? That's what I'm here to say.
A little history:
I have always, from about age 14 been extremely independent, extremely determined, die hard set on being able to take care of myself and everyone important to me. All. ON.MY.OWN. For those of you who know me really well know this is the God's honest truth and more could be added. Let's see, hard headed, control freak, perfectionist, and on and on and on......
I've always been the proverbial Enjoli (sp?) commercial woman. You know: I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never never let you forget you're a man, cuz I'm a WOMAN.....wasn't that the name of that rank perfume?
Ask my husband- I have been so independent, that it was always I can do this,I will take care of this, my bills, my car, my house, my, me, yada yada....he has been beyond patient, I'm talkin' Job here folks, since we've been together in allowing me (much to his chagrin) to be the control freak I've always been.
What did that make me? Not the wife God intended me to be, not the person God intended me to be.
I was full of pride. Pure and simple.
With this diagnosis, I have been put in this position where ~shudder~ (that is facetious) I actually have to RELY on my husband, on my family, on my friends, and most importantly on my Savior.
From the day I started having symptoms, yes, I was scared, I was terrified when my GP mentioned, this COULD be MS, but not likely- that didn't work out so well, right? It was at that point that I leaned (not for the first time, I'm not a completely cold hearted byotch) on the man I promised to love, honor, and respect. On my family and friends who've always been there for me, and again, most importantly on Jesus.
My humility has grown, and my pride has started losing it's hold on me.
Am I all the way there? Not yet.
I have a complete new respect for my husband, not that I didn't before, but even more so. We are a team. It's us, we're partners in this game called life. I have felt this way deep down, it's just been very hard to 'show' because of that "P" word, up there.
I also truly believe that even more 'good' will come from this horrible disease. I know, without a doubt, that God would never lay anything on me that He won't walk with me, and carry me, at times through.
There are other people out there who may need me. I'm just going to follow His lead, wherever that takes me.
I know there's much more I intended to write, but I can't think of it now.
Can you think of something devastating in your life that YOU can be thankful for?
1 comments:
Looking back, almost everything in my life that I have learned from and would be considered "horrible" "Aweful" "Bad" by other people, are the things that have drawn me the closest to God.
We can start with my divorce. It went against everything I had ever been raised to believe. I felt, alone, hurt, rejected... scared... the list could go on and on. Yet, gently, sweetly, the Lord began to call me back.... remind me, that to HIM I belong, and He would meet my needs.
Next I remember the time Jody and I were so broke, we couldn't pay rent or even go and get groceries. God placed the need on someones heart, and they asked me to follow them home after church. They filled the back of my minivan with food. I drove home blinded by tears of joy, at how GOOD GOD IS! Later, someone else snuck up to the house and left diapers for Hunter, and a box full of toiletries... I was out of shampoo that very morning, no one knew that but God.
Most recently, as we walked through the illness and death of my father. God blessed us at every turn...he brought people to take the kids to the park. There were dinners brought to the house almost every night for over a month, freeing us to make dad's needs a priority. There were stories, hugs, cards, visits, everyone an encouragement at just the right time.
No one ever promises you that a life lived for Christ will be easy. But with the right perspective, even the most tragic of circumstances, is filled with promise and blessing, because God is in control, ALL THE TIME.
Romans 5 teaches us that trials and tribulations produce perseverance, that developed perseverance produces character. A strong character, one that is unwavering. That character produces HOPE. It goes on to say that the hope produced by this manner, will NOT dissapoint, it is the very love of God, poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit..... and He is who lives in us.
you know I love ya.... and I am so glad you wrote this post. So many people need to "hear" it.
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