Friday's are normally my favorite day of the week. Today is good. I'm blessed to be up, at work, and HAVE a job.
I am feeling a bit 'off', though.
Watched a show last night on NatGeo called Taboo. I love these shows simply because you really learn something new every time you tune in. I wouldn't recommend it to my children, it can be 'out there'- but, anyway.
The one that was recorded was on Narcotics. They started with medical marijuana.
The first interviewee (if that's a word) was a woman with MS. She was diagnosed almost 20 years ago and is now in a wheel chair, and smoking marijuana for her pain. It helps her when no other 'synthetic' drug can. I had a huge amount of emotions swell up quickly. Will that be me in less than 20 years? In a wheelchair? In horrible pain? Should I judge because she smokes basically an 'illegal' drug even though it is legal in her state? It is grown from the earth.
I joked with my husband that we needed to find one of the 13 states where it's legal. I had to joke, it's what I do when my emotions start getting too raw.
I've been brave. I've been strong. I've only had a few 'moments' of being emotional over this. I know that God would never put me through something that He won't walk me through. But, I'm weak and I'm scared. And, last night's emotion was purely fear. Fear of being a burden, fear of not being able to work, fear of not being able to take care of people. That's what I do. What will I do if/when I can't?
2 comments:
Fear. It is irrational, sometimes unintentional, yet radically strong, and consuming. It is all the what-if's rolled up into feelings. Everything you don't let yourself think about.....Fear SUCKS!
I think that even if you were to be in that woman's position within the next 20 years, you will still take care of people. It will just be in a less physical realm. You will take care of them through encouragement, and prayer, things that are infinately more powerful than being able to clean a toilet.
Thanks for sharing your heart.... in strength and in weakness.
When it comes to those "moments of being emotional" that God gave us every emotion we have, and even Jesus had his "moments". The Garden of Gethsemene, even when He was tempted by Satan.
The whole point of Jesus living a human life on earth was so that He would know and could understand ALL that we go through. And give us the strength - sometimes through those He brings into our lives - to see us through.
The one word that comes to my mind when I think of you is now, always has been, and always will be: Grace.
You are one of the personifications of Grace in my life.
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