I love the saying "I have MS, but MS doesn't have ME". And, someday's I have that feeling. The past several months, I have to admit MS does have me! By the short hairs!
I can't stand to complain, but sometimes I just have to get it out. I'm trying to be that strong, self sufficient, hard headed woman that I've been since I was about 8.
But, can I tell ya? MS is beating this woman down.
I now know that I've had this disease for many years- going back to symptoms that I had over the years- not knowing what it was other than "I'm just getting to be a 'woman of a certain age'. I actually had the "MS Hug" back in 2003 for several weeks. Went to the Dr.- he couldn't explain it, and told me just wait for it to go away, and if it didn't to come back. Awesome, dude- I probably could have been on some kinda of shot back then and not be as bad as I am today.
But, shoulda, coulda, would, right? And, those shots? Those daily shots that I've taken for a year? Yeah, they didn't work out so well for me, either. But, I will keep on keeping on.
I just don't know how much longer I can stress myself out over work. Making sure every little thing is right, trying to remember everything I need to, it's so flippin' hard. It's work just trying to get through work.
And, I do know- I am extremely fortunate and blessed that I'm getting up and walking every day. That I still have my vision (although corrected)- I still have it. I'm not in a wheel chair- not even having to use my cane. I AM blessed, but I am also a realist. And, I will admit when I can't do something. I have to- it's eating me alive.
The guilt- ahh, the guilt.
That will be a topic for another day.
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